I've never been good with words. Sorry.

I thought by writing something long with big words would explain to you my recent behavior. But to be honest there is no explanation, I'm growing up. I know you may not like this or it may seem to you that I'm being "self absorbed" but I just had to figure somethings out when I got back. I'm trying to make myself proud of me...I mean I can barely make anyone proud of me so why not make me proud of me? And I just don't get why you would lash out on me like that. I mean you're so stubborn and I know you know this. Sometimes you say things to me that hurt me but I never say anything, you know why? Because that's who you are, I've grown to love that insensitive turd and this isn't most of the time but you do have your moments. This isn't some paragraph that I'm writing because I'm sorry or because I'm mad at you. I'm just sad that we're going through this rough patch in our relationship. I miss you. Just thinking about you not being in my life makes me sick, it does, my heart goes all weird and it's just retarded. I cannot live without you in my life. I hope you realize this. The only reason I bring the "other friends" in our arguments is cause I'm jealous of how much attention they get from you. It feels like they matter more than I do. And I'm not saying I matter more than them. But they get to be with you more than me, and talk to you, and just be in your presence. And it seems like I'm the one that always fucks things up between us. I don't know, I just want to talk to you. Like really talk to you. Without anyone else around but me and you.
Where's my Nabil at? I know she's still there. That Nabil that used to sneak me smokes from her work and we'd tear shit up in Sobey's. You know that Nabil. I know everyone hates seeing us together. I've realized why. Because our shits so pure. It's retarded. I've never been so honest with someone. And come on you have to admit that shit where we finish each others sentences and say the same thing at the exact same time or think the exact same thing is kind of fucking weird and it proves to us that we're much much more than just friends.

I don't know, you may not of liked that I wrote this. But I had to get it out some how.

I have something to tell you and I need to give you your gift.