I hope no one ever reads our blog.

Zombie

People depend too much on me, leave me alone. I like being by myself.
I'm a loner, Dottie. A rebel.


Fabien.

We're back.

XO

Miss you- Aaliyah

I've been putting this off for a while and I've been wanting to tell someone this but I just didn't know how and Nabil is the only person that I've sort of skimmed the top of the subject. In September 2010 I was brought out of my comfort zone, I was thrown completely out and my mind set completely changed about everything. I never thought you could be a stranger in your own city. How awful is that feeling? I continuously seek friendship and go out thinking that I'll find my place once again and I'll continue on as things where before. But it's not true. I'm completely broke, I barely sleep, I can't tell you what I eat during the day because I don't care what it is if it's food I'll eat it, and I drink, CONSTANTLY. I feel like Tupac in one of his songs I just haven't gotten to the point where I'm snatching purses. I know this isn't anything new because it happens to a lot of people but I never saw myself to be that person that would be thrown off track. Because you see, I knew what I wanted and I saw my future. Crystal clear, no doubt in my mind. Now my entire mind is filled with doubts instead of hopes and dreams. As retarded as this may sound I feel like a complete nobody. I am grateful for most of the people in my life some I wish I never met. This feels good, I can write whatever the fuck I want just completely get it out of my system. How can one person feel so fucking alone when half of the world is going through the same thing? Maybe even worse? God I feel so whiny it disgusts me. Why on EARTH do I feel like something is going to happen? Like something good, I can feel it. I just don't know what it is. Luck has always been on my side *knocks on wood* but I just feel so unfocused. Even while I'm writing this. Not focused at all. It's killing me inside that this thing inside of me is eating me up physically and mentally but I can't put my finger on it. Maybe I'm just a train shifting tracks with minor technical difficulties, I just wish I'd get to my regular route so I wouldn't feel like a complete basket case. I HAVE NO MONEY AND MAJOR TRUST ISSUES. Like wandering but I'm not lost ya know?
A sister once told me that you may think everything has changed but it hasn't. And I don't think that everything has changed, I just changed... I grew up. I guess you could say. So even though everything has stayed the same. I haven't. Maybe it's time to face reality and man up and see what the future has to offer me, by myself. But don't worry sweetheart, I'll always keep you in my heart. Forever and always even though you may not be the one I end up with. You changed me internally and externally. And I thank you for that.


Best regards
peace and love,
Fabien

XO

its strange having your heart remember what you're mind can't